When we are manifesting better relationships with the people we love or interact with, we often come across this idea that they need to be the version you prefer in your mind already. This could sometimes feel conflicting because you can see one version and hold a different version of them as the ideal one.
How come you are still seeing the old version if you have already imagined a better version? Let’s break this down.
The unlovely version we have manifested, in our lives, of people we love, are just like the entire universe, rooted in our beliefs.
This isn’t an invitation to beat yourself up for it, but if you are new to these teachings it is important you understand that all of it is simply a result of your thoughts and beliefs whether they are about what you deserve, what this person is like or how relationships generally are.
If you already understand this idea, you must also understand that knowing you manifested it does not mean you have to continue holding your manifestation as a concluded outcome. If you are aware that you did it, it is okay – you can now let it go. If you keep feeling guilty, shameful or hurt that you did this to yourself, you will only create more of those feelings.
The Urge to Fight Thoughts
A common result of the previous realization is that we start feeling anxious about thinking the same thoughts. “Okay so I created this before so I better not think it again or I’ll just have more of it!” In thinking such things, tell me, where does your awareness lie? In the guilt or fear of what you are calling your mistake.
Firstly this was hardly a mistake because it led you to learn these wonderful teachings and knowing who you really are. I understand if you right now don’t care about that and I just sound like a typical big sister. It is important, nonetheless, to know that your judgment of these things being mistakes is a choice.
Fighting thoughts is a vicious loop to me. It creates inner conflicts, you start depriving your own mind and body of peace – its very natural state! This urge comes from something deeper. The old versions opened a wound that you have pain from and you are so afraid yet so sure that this pain is entirely possible in your life again.
And that is where your biggest hint is my love, in you believing that this pain is highly likely to happen again. What your insides are actually nagging you for is to process and let go of this pain, but since you have given the pain the image of your SP (specific person) you feel that you must “fix” your SP and your relationship to undo this pain.
You’re looking to somehow remove this pain and the paradox is the only way to remove it is to process it – to watch it in its presence and let it pass. In doing so, you are so aware of its passage that you easily shift. Bid farewell to these emotions and triggers with love.
In doing so you will be less afraid of your thoughts and will be able to watch them as debris making its way out from all the delicious work you did in processing your feelings. Your thoughts may control what you experience but they don’t control you. It is just that you were not aware of being the operant power, so you removed yourself as source from your own awareness and gave power to externalized factors.
Remember, your thoughts are not your shackles, they are generated within the self that you are being, that you are aware of. There is no need to fear thoughts, there is also no need to entertain them as possibilities if they are not ideal – and there is definitely no need to fight your own mind. It is yours, tune it, love it.
Changing Their Opinions?
Now that you recognize the old story, and understand you no longer need to fight your thoughts, you can simply let go of the ones that do not serve your intention – you can now think more about the ideal version.
Quite often at this stage, we start becoming aware of both. We, in our minds, are logically moving from point A to point B and playing hocus focus with the two versions. We start determining what we are adding and subtracting from these versions and start to think exactly what we would change about them. Behavior, looks, presence, and values, etc.
This, again, is a flawed idea in the world of manifestation. There is nothing to change to get one version over another. In thinking you need to mentally perform some actions to specifically change a certain version, you are acknowledging being with the older version.
In romantic relationships, this happens a lot – because something very dear to us is at stake; their opinion of us. If you are trying to deal with rejection, dismissal, being taken for granted, etc, you must understand that these are all based on the opinions you gave to their character about yourself. These opinions you have assigned to them are actually rooted in you and how you see yourself. Which is why it is unnecessary to change someone else because everything is rooted in you.
You are trying to change something within through something that has externalized. This does not mean you have to affirm such and such loves me all the time. You must find the opinions you are assuming they hold of you and then reach inside of yourself to find their roots. This is not a matter of healing, of fixing yourself – you are not broken. This is a matter of finding where you stand in order to shift.
A lot of the attachment, agony, frustration comes from us assuming they have a certain opinion of us and trying to avoid that, or fight it. Oftentimes, we then double down on saying no no I am in this relationship, it’s done, it’s done! But we are actually trying to suppress the actual feelings and opinions coming up inside us to avoid them. This is pure resistance – and you do not need this. There is nothing to change in their version, their opinion, their situation. There is nothing you need to change about how you two are right now.
When we keep these narratives of less ideal versions of them we start to validate it in our minds. It makes us feel like a victim. It is the familiar thing, we expected it, we manifested it or we accepted it as our reality. The more we notice the old version the more we plaster it in our minds.
It is okay if you still notice old stories, there is nothing you need to fear or rush. You must, however, understand that the only reason you are not accepting the new version is because it is unstable to your mind. Your mind reaches for the most plausible reality based on your beliefs. If you have a very annoying director at work and you say okay he is a good man – you will instantly feel stupid for complaining about him all this time. What will you tell your friends and family? He is some hero now? What, all of a sudden we all just like him?
Similarly, for someone who isn’t yet in your life but has shown little interest, what are you going to all of a sudden just have him/her as your partner? All that trouble they caused, somehow it is just going to vanish? I’m just supposed to see them without all these issues as if it was perfect?
In this discomfort or feeling of disbelief, you can recognize your attachment to how things are. It is not that you are not able to manifest this relationship to work, or you are blocked, or the universe isn’t working – no. You are simply attached to this certain storyline to the extent that you are not even ready to accept the other storyline.
The reason you are actually attached to it is very simple, you’re avoiding it. You’re resisting it. You’re avoiding whatever it felt or emotionally caused, or the realization that you have not treated yourself any better/held a better opinion of you. Accepting an ideal version seems uncomfortable or illogical because it would invalidate all that you know of a lesser preferred version.
Accepting Love and Truth
I repeat that it is okay to be where you are, to need to process all that you are processing. It is okay to feel what you feel. Once you accept the new truth you will never have to look back, you will never have to be back here. It is like monsters under your bed, if you just look underneath you will know there are no monsters. This confidence and trust is something to build within. To hone in on for your own self.
As you do this, and close the gaps that do not allow you to believe in a better reality for yourself, things will come up. This doesn’t mean you are in constant pain, the pain was erased the moment you acknowledged you’re okay now. These remaining fears and thoughts are simply leaving you. And in some cases, they don’t come up at all. In all cases, they don’t mean anything.
Knowing what you know now, you can say yeah, maybe it is crazy but that director is actually pretty good, and he is kind. He is a great director, I have witnessed his warmer supportive side now. You can say you know what, yeah, all of a sudden this guy is crazy about me, loves me and we have the most wonderful home. Logic may interject but you can overcome it because you know what – any incident/evidence cannot deter you. It just cannot. You know how this works, you become it before you experience it.
Notice that in doing this you are not actually focusing on changing them or their opinions. Your focus is on you accepting this as your truth. You are changing something within. You are filling in the cracks and saying yes I am okay, and in fact, I already am loved, I don’t know any other truth.
You are giving yourself the love, familiarizing yourself with it to the point that it is a natural reaction for these ideal versions of people to show up. They see it. They see you. I see you – in all your glory. See yourself in it.
Neville says that if your manifestation involves another person, they need to be accepting of the idea you have. And he also explains that everyone is you pushed out. So what does this mean? That you must be accepting of the truth you want them to hold, then it would become an idea they would be accepting of too.
If you want to be the most valuable person in someone’s life, you do not have to go to them to show them you are valuable or have yourself on billboards to be noticed by them. You have to accept being someone valued and noticed, loved, and prized. I am not asking you to become it, I am asking you to accept being it. Essentially, we only expect others to do for you what you are willing to do for yourself.
So today, ask yourself, who would I be if I only knew of versions of people that were ideal? Who would I be inside if those were my experiences? What is keeping me from adopting this feeling permanently? What am I carrying?
Remember, you are God either way – whatever you carry. So there is no need to be ashamed of what you are carrying. No need to judge it, or entertain it. You simply have to stare at it, decide if it is of value to you, and if it isn’t you simply do not have to own it. You can simply revise never having it, and move on.
I have done this, and I have changed people’s behaviors within minutes. I didn’t do it to change them, did not even think of who they are being, I simply shifted to being who I actually wish to be, what I wish to feel, and intended that I always only feel this way – their behavior adjusted immediately. You can assert anything you like and know you already are it. Assert things within and the outside will reflect your beauty. Make your assertions a valid command in your own mind, and do not worry about how it shall come about.
Famay is a designer, illustrator and writer living in Los Angeles with her cat. She loves diving deeper in teachings by Neville, and enjoys writing her observations. In her own life, she has very successfully used these teachings and created her dream life.